njihan357Everyone has some responsibilities on their shoulder. Most of the time it would be of family and work. Well, unless you are a young person then this will not be your area. A young person would normally have responsibilities on themselves – studies, pet, social life. And I kinda hate you for that, but then again someday you’d be old and be in my shoes.
Happy 40th Birthday
I am turning 40 in a month’s time. It is a big deal, being 40. Society sees it as being at the age where you have a very stable income, a house of your own and a loving family and some sort of a higher social status that comes with a high-paying job that you have. In my case, that is not true at all.
I am living with my mother. I do not have any children. I am unemployed. I am severely obese.
Responsibilities
It would seem like I live without any responsibilities but it’s not. I am living with my mother by choice. It is a decision that my husband and I have discussed and I love our decision & every minute spent with my mum and aunt at home. I do take care of them, my mum with Stage 3 arthritis and my aunt with a minor stroke who has difficulty walking, talking, and basically taking care of herself. Before this, I was living in Kuala Lumpur, the capital of Malaysia. I had a good job and when I resigned, everyone was disappointed and shocked that I was leaving my job as one of the managers in the banking industry. My father-in-law disapproved of my action but I guess he’s a lot calmer now that 2 years have gone by and I am still surviving.
And so my responsibilities now are at home, specifically in the kitchen. I used to be the one who bathed and clothed my aunt but my mum said she’s taking over because she wants to do everything and anything that I have to do (a stubborn one, I just can’t do anything about it). So now I’m a cook, but I do monitor the 2 elderly to make sure nobody trips over and fall because that’s what started the whole unable to walk thing. A few times, actually. I’m also the one who brings them to hospital visits for check-ups. The one who runs all errands outside the home. The planner of holidays/trips because everyone needs fresh air and sunshine every now and then. Luckily my mum has a friend whom we hire to clean the house and garden because that department is so not my strong suit. Totally not.
Letting go of stability
When I resigned, my husband started his own company. I assisted him with any tasks that were required although it has not been an easy start due to the COVID-19 pandemic where the world & businesses shut down. Of course, I believe in him and I know losses are common in running a company, so I pray every day that we can get through this.
We don’t have any children. I am severely obese and so it makes it more difficult. So I don’t have any responsibilities to my own family, but just to my husband. And knowing men, most of the time, they are the children. Anyway, we only live together sometimes. My husband goes back and forth to Kuala Lumpur where he has to take care of his parents. Most of the time he’s tired and just minds full of ways to get money. I do go out with him sometimes and that’s it.
Health issues
Being obese means I have a lot of responsibilities to myself in which I have not been paying attention to. Approaching 40 in this condition is way sad. It’s saying that I don’t have my shit together. I have a walking stick now because sometimes my ankle just can’t take the weight so it’s easily buckled. I guess that’s why my husband is no longer interested in having sex with me. Guess he needs to find himself a second wife. It is allowed in a Muslim household, you know. And if he can afford 2, I’d say go for it.
Maybe this is not a post about responsibilities, maybe it’s a post about how I am a train wreck and just realizing it.
Moving Forward
I believe I am now ready to move forward. I have been stressed about taking care of the elderly, not having a job, and not having confidence has really taken a toll on me. I’m starting with this blog which I’m trying to visit as often as I can to improve and hopefully get to monetize it. God knows I need the money (don’t we all?). And I am planning on a gardening project with my husband and mum soon.
Wish me luck!